Canada Had The First Thanksgiving Ever; so SUCK IT, USA!

The history of Thanksgiving in Canada can be traced back to the 1578 voyage of Martin Frobisher from England in search of the Northwest Passage. His third voyage, to the Frobisher Bay area of Baffin Island in the present Canadian Territory of Nunavut, set out with the intention of starting a small settlement. His fleet of 15 ships was outfitted with men, materials, and provisions. However, the loss of one of his ships through contact with ice along with much of the building material was to prevent him from doing so. The expedition was plagued by ice and freak storms which at times had scattered the fleet and on meeting together again at their anchorage in Frobisher Bay, "... Mayster Wolfall, [ Robert Wolfall ] a learned man, appointed by her Majesties Councell to be their minister and preacher, made unto them a godly sermon, exhorting them especially to be thankefull to God for their strange and miraculous deliverance in those so dangerous places ...". They celebrated Communion and "The celebration of divine mystery was the first sign, scale, and confirmation of Christ's name, death and passion ever known in all these quarters." ~ "The Three Voyages of Martin Frobisher: in search of a passage to Cathai and India by the northwest AD 1576-1578", Cambridge University Press

So this was 1578...a full 43 years before the Septic Yanks celebrated their first Thanksgiving. Even better, the Canadians celebrated their Thanksgiving without taking from the Indians - they provided their own food, rather than eating what the Indians brought to the table. This act by the Pilgrims in America cements Americans as moochers throughout history.

Now, in place of thanksgiving for relief from potential disaster like Martin Frobisher - we celebrate like the Americans: Turkey, stuffing and fill your gut up until you practically are comatose from over-eating then watch a game on TV. How far we've fallen to the reprobates south of the border.

Anyhow, my wife now celebrates the Canadian Thanksgiving as opposed to the feast of excess and buffoonery down south of the 49th Parallel. And proudly waves a maple-leaf which she will be exchanging her blue passport to a maple leaf one as soon as she gets her Canadian citizenship. Thank God for Canada.

Thank God for Canadian Thanksgiving. Thank goodness we had Martin Frobisher who knew what he was truly thankful for: his life and the life of his crew and the act of preservation of their lives was what he raised his hands in supplication for in relief that his men were saved. Unlike the Seppos who think that Thanksgiving is a time to feed their already obese cakeholes in thanks of the plentiful harvest - Thanksgiving is truly a celebration of gratitude up here in Canada for our lives in this harsh climate - Especially North of 60 degrees latitude.

"Don't Call Me American Bald Eagle!" says Canadian Bald Eagle

North American Bald Eagles are incensed to be called American Bald Eagles. "We have no partisanship" says one Bald Eagle named Harry, who lives in Serpentine Fen. "It's a case of the United States thinking that they have ownership over us. Next thing they'll do is imply that we are part of their tax base. How do you put a figure on the number of rats and the latest dead carcass that we consume and what sort of tax form do I fill out and send in? Hell, I don't even have fingers, damn it!?" He looked off to the side and gave me a gimlet stare with one of his eyes "I'm sorry, but I'm Canadian. I was born and raised in Serpentine Fen and haven't ever been across the border. I have no idea why the United States would think that I'm part of their own and pay taxes to the IRS? That's absolutely f*ng ridiculous!" At that Harry gives off a resounding snap of his beak in annoyance.

Harry looks over at the Canada Geese milling around aimlessly on the pond a few meters over. "Snowbirds" he mutters disgustedly. "The IRS should take a look at those bastards. They spend six months out of the year in the United States munching on US resources, flying in US skies. Hell they even down US planes for heaven's sake. At least they're using resources in the United States. We don't use a single piece of vermin in the US and we get taxed. We hunt, kill and feed our young all up here in Canada. Our lives are spent up here and the United States wants to tax us? Are they kidding me? I talked about it with Ma and Pa in White Rock and Mom n'Pop in Green Timbers, y'know, friends of mine, and they're telling me that extraterritorial taxation is a crock of shit. Hell, I'm not going to pay it." Harry says. "It's not a fair tax and Obama can go kiss my feathered ass!"

Harry snorted contemptuously as he looked around trying to see if there were any crows present. "Those bastards will rat you out." he said. "You hear about that amnesty program, called OVDP?" he said with a disgusted look "One of my buddies over by the Delta Dump went into that. He got taken for a ride. They wanted tax returns from 6 years back and to admit that he was guilty of tax fraud because he didn't claim 66,000 rats taken last year. He didn't know he was supposed file that stupid piece of paper called an FBAR."

"Lil' Chucky", Harry grumbled. "He got away with his villa in the Dominican Republic.", "James..." he said. "...the list goes on. These bastards get to shill for the tax paying public and get away scot free when they evade taxes. It's a mother lode of bullshit." Harry said as he preened his feathers. "And they're coming after the small guys like us. Well...I can't wait until I get classified as a Canadian Bald Eagle..." he paused for a moment.

"Well...did you know that Canada signed an IGA with the United States on February 5th, 2014?" I asked him.

"Bloody Fucking Hell!!" Harry swore vehemently. "Maybe I need to ask my friend Boris, he's a Eurasian golden eagle, if he's got a place I can crash at for the next forty years."